Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Mean skinny girls

Weight: 155

So I went to a pool party for my son last night. I love the people who invited us. They're from Switzerland (well sort of...she's a transplant from Tibet and he's a transplant from Germany. He says they're from Germany, and she says they're from Switzerland. And they argue about this topic in front of us. Do you see why I love them?). And they are crazy, fun, and don't have the American edit button when they talk. Needless to say I was looking forward to their kid's party.

The party was at our neighborhood pool. I think every 7-year-old in the neighborhood and his or her families were at the pool. Which brings me to the topic of the women in my neighborhood. How do I describe them? I know! Stepford Wives! I'd say 80% of the women in my neighborhood are secretly robots developed by their husbands to please their men in every way including being a perfect physical specimen.

Needless to say, being 15 pounds heavier than last summer, makes me feel totally insecure around these women. I feel like a virtual rolly polly. You add the fact that I don't have the typical Oklahoma edit button when I talk, and that makes me the odd one in the neighborhood.

So, last night we were all sitting down at the pool at the end of the party. I was feeling pretty proud of myself that I had only 2 pieces of thin-crusted pizza, no cake, and only one beer. I was chugging my water because of the crazy ass heat that is plaguing Oklahoma right now (in the 100's...seriously...who needs that?). My husband, who is probably 50 pounds overweight, is talking to a neighbor friend of his about his recent weight loss. They had gotten to the topic of local gyms.

Then I came up with the brilliant idea to ask his wife what she thought of the gym. For you see she is one of those perfect physical specimened wives that I was talking about. I figured she would know better than anyone where the best gym was for working out. And do you know what she said to me?

"The gym's not really going to help you slim down. It's what you put into your mouth. It's all about your diet."

No shit? Really? It's all about what I eat. WOW!!! I had no idea! I am so glad you were here to put me on the right path. Wow...eating less...starving kelly...wow! I am so enlightened!

Wait...was that my question? No.

Hag demon. Go eat something. Then you might not be so grumpy and need to take your frustration out on poor rolly polly me.


Anne said...

Uhh..thats so not cool. I am closing my eyes and wishing her dimpled thighs..

VcilaR said...

What a nasty person! That reminds of when I went to the gyno for the first time to get on the pill. I asked her if it would cause me to gain weight. She started making the motion of shovelling food into her mouth and said "this motion will make you fat, not some tiny pill." Thanks for sharing.