Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Don't you know flat is the new perfect physical specimen?

Today I decided to check out how some of you ended up here reading my little blog. Here are the latest search’s:

1. Ch-ch-check
--out my rock hard pecs! Oh yeah. I know you’re jealous. Don’t you know flat is the new busty?

2. Kelly Day
--Isn’t ever day Kelly day. No? It should be.

3. Her new glasses site
--yeah, haven’t we’ve gone over this?

4. What muscles does skipping hit
--None. That’s my problem see? That’s why I’m at the gym 5 days a week!

5. After a workout face looks bloated
--Really? Mine just looks heart-attack red. If someone asks me if I’m OK one more time…

6. Rolly polly gym for birthdays
--That would be the perfect present. A gym where you work on being a rolly polly. I think I would be their fitness model.

7. How come I weigh more after I workout
--Damned if I know. Tina? Anyone? Anyone???

And then there are these:
1. Starving to be skinny, Starving to be slim, Starve month, Starve pounds, I starve, Starving for 7 days, Starve for a month, Why I starve, Starving 3 weeks
--OK, these aren’t really funny. They are actually a little disturbing. Don’t you guys know I’m not really starving? It’s a joke, and over dramatization because I’m pissed that I don’t get to eat like a teen-ager any more? Don’t you know this? Because please, really, don’t starve yourself. It’s just not good. Seriously—1200 calories for the ladies and 1800 for the men is the MINIMUM. Seriously.

And finally there is this one:
1. PERFECT PHYSICAL SPECIMEN
--Why thank you. Thank you very much. This brings a tear to my eye.

First, I’d like to thank my Mom who taught me about nutrition and then gave me my poor body image with her constant mentioning of my chicken legs.

Secondly, I’d like to thank my Dad who eats enough for 3 men for giving my bitterness that I cannot do the same.

Thirdly, I’d like to thank all of the nasty skinny be-atches out there who said nasty things to me that continues to spur me on.

And finally, I’d like to thank my friend Tina who keeps me strong by example.

No it's not beer googles. I'm totally sober.

Two funny gym stories:
#1: OK, flirty receptionist guy and that one guy who lifts near us and now included us in his conversations? Yeah, it's the same guy. Tina swore it was. I swore it wasn't. And then she pointed out the tattoo on his calf. Yeah, it's the same guy. I really should wear my contacts ALL of the time!

#2: My friend Tina called this week. She had to go lift by herself Monday as I have a sick child at home. Flirty receptionist guy said to her, "Hey, did you used to be a trainer or a fitness model or something?"

Me: "Wow, he said that? That's awesome!"

Tina said laughing: "Yeah until he said 'used' to."

Me: "oh...."

Note #1: Tina still could be a fitness model. She looks totally awesome and has the most awesome arms and abs! She's at least my fitness model.

Note #2: Don't worry, I still managed to drag my sorry butt to the gym, at 5:30 AM 2 days in a row. I had to split up the weights, as I didn't have time to finish the first day. I don't know how those crazies keep that routine up!

I need a nap.

And a cure for shin splints, you know, besides rest. I'm afraid if I rest, my rest will become permanent. I'm so afraid I spent all last night on the computer looking for one site that would tell me that I could do something other than rest. There isn't one.

So today I did the bike and took an ibuprofen. I feel like though like a cop out. I'm the wimpy out of shape girl who can't even do a few miles on an elliptical machine without getting hurt.

Oh well, enough rambling and self-pity. Have a good one!

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Bigger, Badder and Cheesier

After having my last child I became obsessed with getting the baby weight off. I went vegetarian until I discovered my son's allergy to legumes, I did weight watcher's until I got sick of counting points, and I lastly counted calories. And anybody who diets knows, there are just some places where you have to guess what you're eating. Apparently these place are doing this on purpose and not only are they doing it on purpose, they are competing with other similar restaraunts for the "bigger, badder and cheesier" award in "appetizers, entrées and desserts." And that my friends, is how you end up with a 2000+ calorie meal when you think you're eating well.

Moral to the story? Cook for yourself.

Now I just have to learn how enjoy cooking.

Where are those take out menus?

Big WhineFest in Kellyland

Yesterday Little C had the flu. This morning it looks like it's no better. And because my husband is seems to only be home to sleep these days, I got up at 5:15 to get to the gym before Big D had to leave for work.

And now I feel like I've been run over by a truck.

I'd love to go back to bed, but Little B will be up in 15 minutes to get ready for the bus. Then I'd like to go to bed, but I have to get myself dressed to get Little C to the doctor. Then I'll definitely go back to bed, but by then I'll have been up so long I might as well stay up!

I said to Big D as he walked out the door at 6:45, "Don't call in the afternoon because I'm definitely taking a nap." And do you know what he did?

He ROLLED HIS EYES at me.

Can you believe it? I think he's just jealous. Then he mumbled as he was walking out the door, "Why do you think I have to go to bed so early every night?" (He gets up at 4:45 every day to get his workout in.) Yeah...definitely jealous.

Yesterday the diet was crap. Little C had slept with me the night before and was restless the whole night. And of course I couldn't sleep because of it. Needless to say I was tired. And when I'm that tired, I tend to eat like crap. My only saving grace was that I couldn't leave the house, and I've managed to get rid of all of the junk in my house...except the popsicles in my freezer. MMMMMMMMM....popsicles. And no, they are not at least the healthy fruit kind. They are the sugar fake flavor kind that comes in plastic tubes. You know what I'm talking about? Yeah, I had three.

So you don't believe I ate like crap? Well here's the menu.
Bkfst.: Kashi bar
Lunch: Popcorn, 3 popsicles, tuna fish on trisquits
Dinner: Chick Fil A Sandwich plus 1/2 med. fries

Now that's some good eating!

This morning I'm starting out a little better. I started with a protein shake. Blech. But at least it's not a popsicle!

BTW...I weighed in this morning. I looked so skinny in the mirror (without my contacts in), I thought, "I think I've lost weight, finally!" Yeah, smack me now. I haven't lost any. I actually gained a pound. WOOHOO!!! Yay for me.

I really need to throw out that scale. Join me, will you?

Monday, February 26, 2007

I am a future M.I.L.F.

I'm thinking about joining the Future M.I.L.F's over at Mom O Matic, but I won't be posting weight. I won't! I won't! I won't! I was thinking about weighing in, but if you've been reading long, you know that weight loss for me has been a dismal failure. If you have any doubts, well this morning I was up early and decided to weigh.

First Tip:
Never, never, never weigh on a Monday. Especially don’t if it's after your free day of pizza and wine. Yeah I know it sounds disgusting; I should have had beer. But wine sounded better. And yeah, wine with beer was disgusting. I should have had the beer. Now I have to wait for another full week before my next free day! I'll do it right this time. I promise!

Anyway, weighing on a Monday, baaaaaad. I am actually still at my all time high, and for those of you keeping track, I STILL HAVEN'T LOST A POUND!!! Actually for me, weighing period seems to be bad. I guess I need to finally break down and throw out that scale.

Another tip:
Taking your day off from the gym while you have a built in babysitter (i.e. Da Husband), BAD. Why? Well Little C is sick today. And sick child with a husband who generally is not home before the gym closes means no gym for Kelly. I really should have sucked it up and made it in Saturday. (I did make it in Sunday. I did 6 miles. Yeah it hurt. But it was better than the 9!)

I guess in general today is going to suck. I made the mistake of weighing in. And I can't make it to the gym to make myself feel better.

Yeah, suckity, suck, suck, suck!!!

So back to the decision.

Should I join the little Future M.I.L.F. club?

Well I already have, but I'll say it again,

"I AM NOT WEIGHING IN!!! I'm not! I'm not! I'm not!"

{I decided later that I didn't like the acronym M.I.L.F., so I think I'm just going to continue doing what I'm doing. Not to say that you can't be a M.I.L.F. if you don't want to. It's just not for me!;)}

{OK...I changed it back. I decided I need all the support I can get! So what if it comes from a group named after a gross acronym. Whatever! yeah, yeah, yeah I know! Talk about flip-flopping. }

Thursday, February 22, 2007

9-miles

I decided to see what Tina's 9-miles felt like.

Heck, if she can do it so can I...

cough...

cough...

hack...

NINE

cough...

hack...

FRIGGIN'

cough...

hack...

MILES.

sigh...

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Stayin' Alive

Press play.

I know you want to.

Come on...

Do it....


So I gagged down a protein shake today. I tried all of the tips...skim milk, Splenda, etc. I find that chugging it like a beer works the best for me. My daughter was very impressed and said, "Does it taste better when you drink it that fast?" Actually I couldn't taste it at all. Now I remember why I used to chug beer.

Anyway, I'm finding that I'm am absolutely crazy hungry between noon and 3. Yesterday after lunch I ate 1 blueberry oatmeal bar, 2 Kashi bars, and finally yes, I had some ice cream. The ice cream finally satisfied me. Thank goodness I prepared a light dinner ahead of time. For as you may or may not know, I'm never home in the evenings (my silly children have too many activities), and I probably would have blown the day with a weak drive through moment at dinner time if I hadn't gotten out my crock pot in the morning.

So today I didn't get the crock-pot out, and I gave into the hunger by having a humongous lunch. I have to say though, I'm finally not hungry. And after that shake, I don't know if I'll even be hungry for dinner. We'll see.

On the gym front: Flirty reception guy has not been there all week! But I think Tina and I have gotten some street credit from the regulars in Testosterzone as their witty repartee to each other has extended to us. Most of them apparently never do cardio, and they were very impressed with Tina's 9-mile run that she is doing tomorrow. Wow! We're becoming one of the guys.

Can you see my strut and my chest pumping up?

Well it's only muscle as my boobs are finally saying good-bye.

It's the curse of the flat girl.



One other thing...I STILL HAVE NOT LOST ONE POUND!

Saturday, February 17, 2007

2344.5 Calories

Yeah...that's a lot! More than I'm supposed to have in a day. I did work out, but I don't think that covers the extra 8-900 or so that I enjoyed. And boy did I enjoy it. I ate Valentine's truffles, ice cream, and fries. And they were good! But today I feel totally guilty. I'm wondering why yesterday of all days I blew it. I mean that was the point to me starting to write this stuff down, wasn't it? To figure out why I blow it when I blow it...

So let's see...yesterday I was feeling...happy? Yeah. I was feeling happy. I was excited about getting my new car. I was working on the re-decoration of my house. My husband was being nice. My kids were behaving. My friends were fun as usual. So what triggered it? Was it that I was happy? Is happiness my trigger? Do I not trust the happy? Boy. That's pretty messed up.

I think this study is going to have to be a wait and see thing. I'm pretty happy today. But I'm guilty about the food. So the happiness is tainted. I'll have to wait, I guess, for an un-tainted happy day to see what I do next.

Boy this becoming self-aware thing sure does bring up all of the dysfunction? Doesn't it?

Friday, February 16, 2007

I hate to waste food...

By the way...I'm having to throw out a brand new jar of peanut butter! Does anyone know where I can send the lid to get a refund? I know I heard somewhere that you can get a refund, but I just can't remember where.

Thanks!

**Never Mind...I just found it at OkieDoke. Here it is for you...

To get a refund, consumers should send lids and their names and addresses to ConAgra Foods, P.O. Box 57078, Irvine, CA 92619-7078. Consumers with questions or concerns may call the 24-hour toll-free hotline at 866-344-6970 or log on to www.conagrafoods.com.

Chicken Legs

I made it to the gym this morning. Yesterday I did a mile in 7 minutes, slowed down for a rest and my left lower leg started aching. After the 2nd mile I decided to switch to the treadmill because the pain was getting too bad, even after a good stretch. The treadmill did not improve. Who knew that a treadmill is harder on your legs than an elliptical machine?

OK...you can stop laughing now. I didn't know.

Anyway, I was telling Tina about the pain today while she was...KICKING MY ASS with these horrible lifting things called 21's. Heard of them? Yeah they suck! My arms are now like Jell-O. Anyway, I showed her where the pain was and that it still hurt, and she said they were shin splints.

I didn't know that you could get them down the outer side of your leg. I just thought they would be, you know, on top of the shin?

Ok...you experienced exercisers can really stop laughing at me now.

When I got home I looked up shin splints. I wanted to know what caused them. Here's what I found:

"A primary culprit causing shin splints is a sudden increase in distance or intensity of a workout schedule."

Ohhhhhhhh. I guess going from nothing to working out 4-5 times a week is probably what caused that. That and trying to run as fast as Tina who runs everyday and has for forever might have had a little of an impact as well.

Now I would like to say that I'm sad that I'm going to have to switch to the stationary bike for a while until I heal. But I'm not. And I'm also not going to tell you that I'm not doing cardio again until Monday because I have the perfect excuse now to be a slacker. Oooooops, I just did.

So what does Chicken Legs have to do with all of this? Well my Mother has chicken legs. And she passed them on to me. On top of that I tend to go a glowing-blinding shade of white in the winter, which makes my chicken legs even more obvious. When I was younger I used to get teased incessantly for these chicken legs. But apparently if I gain an extra 30 pounds, my chicken legs turn into hot "normal" looking legs that are just a little white, a fact that makes me very excited.

But yesterday as I stumbled off of the elliptical machine over to the treadmill I caught a look at my legs in the mirror. The chicken legs are back!

Crap!

Perhaps this complete lack of muscle has something to do with the shin splints as well.

Yeah, probably.

Thursday, February 15, 2007

Thanks Man!

I went to my stat counter today to check things out. This action is very odd for me because I think I've checked my stats for this blog maybe once. Anyway, today I noticed that they had jumped up...a lot! I said to myself, "What is going on?" So I checked to see where they were coming from. Here's the link.

Wow! And thanks Sarah for the kind words. And thanks for motivating me to keep, well, Starving Kelly.

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Everybody Wants Me


Today I wandered into the gym, and after I flashed my badge the young guy at the front counter along with his usual, "Good morning," and "Have a good workout," said to me, "Hey! What are you doing here this morning? Don't you usually lift in the afternoon?"

I was so stunned that he even knew who I was or what I did with my time. Now in retrospect my name and when I work out probably popped up on his screen when I flashed my card, but initially I was deluded and proud. Because apparently, all of the time that I am spending at the gym was being noticed. So what if it was by a stranger.

I was telling my friend Tina about what this guy said, and she said in a slightly seductive voice, "Yeah, that's good. He noticed you."

Now that thought, I have to tell you, never occurred to me. I said, "Yeah right. He's probably thinking, 'hey, there's that fat chick that lifts with the hot one.'"

Tina replied laughing, "No, he's probably thinking, 'there's that chick that lifts with that 50-footer.' I used to be a 15-footer, but in the last few months I've aged so much I think it's now a 50-footer."

We, the fat girl and the 50-footer, laughed for quite a while about this.

Anyway, I don't care how he knew that I worked out mostly in the afternoons. For you see today, I did 3 miles in 26 minutes. This is a new record for me. And if I have to get a little ego pump up to get there, then so be it. Let the stroking continue!

Monday, February 12, 2007

Yeah, I blew my diet this weekend while out of town. Who the hell cares?

I've been out of town, and I'm busy, and I'm frustrated with my body, and apparently I'm full of excuses why I haven't been here lately. I think my bad attitude started last week. I have been working out fairly hard at the gym lately. I'm lifting a couple of times a week and I've been fighting with my nemesis, cardio, 3 or 4 times a week. I even was able to get to 3 miles in 30 minutes on the elliptical machine, my all time record. And because I've been at the gym so often I've become used to myself in almost no makeup and have been wearing nothing but sweats around. But one day last week on the elliptical machine, I looked at the mirrors and noticed that my body has changed. It's not anything that probably anybody else would notice, but my body has changed. And I was excited.

So that morning after my workout I decided to get dressed in something other than sweats. I get home after my workout, and hit the shower. I was feeling so confident I decided to weigh myself. Son of a...!

I'm still at my all time high!

Oh well...I look different. And, muscle does supposedly weigh more than fat.

So I take my shower, and pull out a pair of jeans. The jeans are too tight. So I pull out another pair, my "big girl" pair. They are too tight. I try on every pair of button-up pants I own. THEY ARE ALL TOO TIGHT!!!! Son of a Bitch!!! I have to go jean shopping!

Needless to say I did. And it sucked. And I had to buy a size larger than normal.

I told my friend Tina this story and she got this puzzled look on her face and said, "Just don't quit. This is exactly the time that most people quit, and I swear the weight will start coming off. You are doing so well. I'm so impressed with how much you're doing. Just don't quit!"

And I won't. I just can't help but wondering if it ever is going to come off. I keep looking at the picture of myself the last time I worked out this hard. It did it for 4 months. And ironically I was the biggest I'd ever been...until now.

Friday, February 02, 2007

Ch, ch, check, check, check it out!

Have you guys noticed the section called "Starving Kelly's Picks?" You should check it out. It's other bloggers or writer's opinions, etc. about health, nutrition, exercise, dieting, etc. Everytime I come across something I find interesting I'll add it. Enjoy.

Day what?

I haven't any idea what I'm on because really I never got back on the plan after I stopped. Typical. I'm not being a glutton though. I've given up my wine (except on my b-day), and am now eating my lean cuisine with a soymilk chaser. It's all right.

I have continued to hit the gym pretty regularly. My friend has been helping me with the strength training, which I love, and I've been sore pretty much every day since I started 3 weeks ago, or was it 4? I can't remember. And yesterday I did 6 miles on the bike/elliptical machine/treadmill. What can I say; I get bored and have to break it up. I can still say with certainty, even though I've been at this 3 or 4 weeks now, I HATE cardio! Must do it though. Must get that heart strong and the fat off.

Speaking of Fat coming off. It's not. At least the scale says it's not. And my clothes don't seem to be any looser. In fact, the scale says I'm not heavier. Tina says that it's pretty common to see a gain when you start a new program. She says that most runners she knows, in fact, when training for the marathon, a period where you burn more calories than ever, gain 5-10 pounds.

I wouldn't really mind the gain if I saw a difference in my clothes. But I don't. The only thing that's keeping me going is the soreness of my muscles. Surely soreness means something is happening. Doesn't it? God I hope so. It's all I've got.